


Together

by MiracoloDiGigi



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Book 3: Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban, Fluff, M/M, Post-Prisoner of Azkaban, Post-Sirius Black in Azkaban
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-15
Updated: 2017-09-15
Packaged: 2018-12-30 04:25:38
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,825
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12100674
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MiracoloDiGigi/pseuds/MiracoloDiGigi
Summary: Sirius hasn't been the same since Azkaban





	Together

It must’ve been a few hours past midnight when Remus awoke. It’d happened for no particular reason, other than a slight uneasy feeling in the pit of his stomach, as if something bad was about to happen. Slowly, green hues scanned the rather bland bedroom he shared with Sirius, but found nothing out of the ordinary… At least until his gaze met the other side of the bed, sheets pulled back with no sign of his sleeping lover. He cast a glance toward the window, brows furrowing in confusion. The curtains were drawn shut, but he could see that it was still too dark out to be considered anywhere near a reasonable time to be awake, especially for Sirius, of all people, and especially now. He couldn’t help the concern building in his chest, as he slid out from under the covers. He shuddered as his bare feet touched the ground, but after a moment to adjust he was slowly making his way out of the bedroom. It was only a few weeks since Sirius had escaped Azkaban, and the two of them had decided to go off somewhere far from Hogwarts for now, hoping to rekindle the flame of their relationship that used to burn so bright as young men. However, a lot changed in ten years. Sirius was different than he was when they were young, and Remus supposed that was to be expected after 12 years in a prison that any normal wizard would’ve gone mad in, given a few weeks. But, Sirius lasted twelve years, miraculously, and that was bound to leave a mark. Part of him was astonished by Sirius’ mental strength and perseverance that kept him going for so long, but when he looked back on the other man’s life, he realized he should know better than to doubt him. 

Having gotten caught up in his thoughts of his lover, Remus found himself wandering into the living room. He didn’t know what he was intending on doing when he had left the bedroom, but, luckily he found Sirius sitting on the sofa as he entered the room. The moonlight flooding in from the large window outlined the man clearly enough, and it wasn’t long before Remus noticed the moonlight reflecting off of something clasped in Sirius’ hand. It didn’t take him long to figure out what it was either, as if Sirius lifting the glass to his lips didn’t give it away. 

“Padfoot?” Remus called out to him from where he stood across the way, his voice soft so as not to startle him as he wasn’t sure if Sirius had seen him or not. 

He usually was a soft spoken man; to anyone else, his tone wouldn’t have seemed any different. But, to Sirius, one simple word in that tone gave so much away. He knew immediately that there was concern behind it, and he briefly felt a pang of guilt for making his lover feel this way. “Mooney… Go back to sleep.” Sirius responded to him, his voice also soft, but rather soft. Whether it was from the alcohol or because he was upset, Remus truthfully couldn’t tell, but he supposed it was both. 

 

“What are you doing down here? What time is it?” Remus asked, raising his voice just a little bit more, as if that’d work to talk Sirius down, and eventually convince him to join him in bed again. “... Why are you drinking?”

There was a long pause between both men. Remus’ green hues scanned Sirius’ body repeatedly in the darkness, trying to pinpoint any hint of movement, and any meaning behind it. But, there was nothing. At least, nothing aside from Sirius lifting the glass to his lips again, knocking back whatever remained. Sirius, meanwhile, kept his eyes downcast, focused either on the glass in his grasp, or on the ground just beyond it. Slowly, he trailed his tongue along his bottom lip, thoughtfully, wondering if he should tell Remus the truth.

But the truth was not something he was proud of. The truth was his time in Azkaban haunted him. It kept him up at night. It brought upon nightmares that seemed all too real, and left him dreading nightfall. This wasn’t the first time he’d gotten out of bed in the middle of the night. He’d been careful to get into bed again before Remus woke up so that he wouldn’t suspect anything, but this time, for whatever reason, Remus had woken up and caught him in the act. How was he supposed to tell his lover that he was afraid? Haunted by the memories of death, despair, and nothing but darkness. How was he supposed to tell his lover that he feared he’d forgotten what it was like to be happy, even having seen his godson, and having been reunited with Remus? Sirius Black - The Sirius Black - the rebellious, over-confident, courageous Gryffindor, with a heart of gold and an immense loyalty for all he cared for, was afraid to sleep, because he was having nightmares. It sounded so pathetic in his mind, he nearly scoffed aloud at the thought of confessing that to Remus. 

Obviously sensing some sort of tension, Remus spoke again. “Pads…” It was in a near pleading tone this time, no longer wanting to have secrets or walls between them. Twelve years was long enough. 

“Remus, I don’t- …” Sirius had to stop himself. He didn’t, what? He didn’t want to talk about it? Truthfully, he did. He wanted to admit to all that was happening to him in hopes that his lover could help him, could bring him out of this depression so that he could hopefully be the godfather - even the guardian, considering he’d be damned if the boy went back to living with the Dursleys - Harry deserved. But, his pride got the best of him… As it did so often.

However, Remus wasn’t seeing through his lies. He had known for awhile that Sirius was different than he once was, and he knew it was because of Azkaban. He had a feeling that that was what was causing Sirius to act like this right now, but how was he supposed to approach such a sensitive topic without potentially triggering Sirius into some sort of flashback or anxiety attack? He hadn’t seen him have one yet, but after what he’d been through? Remus knew it was something that could more than likely happen, sooner or later. 

“Is it… Azkaban?” His voice held a certain tenderness to it, a tone that secretly made Sirius’ heart swell, something his pride would also likely keep him from admitting too. “Sirius, you know you can… You can talk to me about it if you must. It may be of help.”

And, as much as he hated to admit it, Remus was right. Remus was always right, though. His blue eyes eventually landed on Remus’ green ones, however he didn’t speak. After debating, and eventually deciding that it was safe to let his guard down around the other man again, he very slowly bowed his head and raised it again in a single nod, few dark locks falling in front of his face as he did so. 

No words were needed, nor were the details of it needed. Remus knew all about Azkaban. Of course, he’d only read about it in textbooks and such, but he could never imagine living through it the way Sirius did, especially after losing two of his best friends, and technically losing a third, as Peter had, of course, framed Sirius, after all. The dementors would ensure that he never felt even an ounce of happiness in those twelve years, and they had quite the list of terrible memories to have Sirius relive. Nothing he could say would make this better. A simple, “it’ll be okay” certainly wouldn’t suffice, and an apology would surely only anger Sirius, as he hated to be pitied. The one statement that repeated in Remus’ mind was “I wish I had realized it sooner,” regarding Peter having taken on his animagus form and remaining with Ron Weasley. He could only imagine what it would’ve been like had he put the pieces together sooner… What Sirius would be like now had he done so. 

Instead of trying to find the words as he knew nothing would help, Remus decided there was only one thing he could do right now that could make the slightest of differences. And what he did was wrap his arms around Sirius’ neck, bringing the other man in against his chest for a hug. And said hug was worth a thousand words, surely. After a moment, Sirius was returning the embrace, face burrowing away against Remus’ shoulder. He still refused to show any emotion. He still refused to cry. He was Sirius Black after all, and he had certainly done enough of it within his own cell in Azkaban. 

“Everyday, Remus…” He began, softly. “Everyday, I’d relive the horrors. James and Lily… Over and over…” It was certainly the memory that had stuck with him the most. The Marauders were quite literally all he had as he grew up. They were his family. James was his brother. Just as Peter was. And yet, Peter had still managed to betray them, and take both James and Lily away. Sirius couldn’t help but blame himself, he couldn’t help but wonder what would’ve happened had he been able to protect James like a brother should, and he couldn’t help but wonder what Harry would be like today if he had his parents. The boy surely deserved it. James and Lily were two of, if not the most amazing people he had ever encountered in his lifetime, and he hated that he was able to spend more time with them than their own son. These thoughts plagued his mind for over a decade, along with the thirst for revenge on Peter. Peter, who had the nerve to turn on the people who had showed him nothing but love and admiration… He had to press against Remus’ shoulder to keep from making a sound as he thought about it, however a soft sniff did escape him that made Remus tighten his hold.

Slowly, Remus stroked his hand over Sirius’ back in slow, soothing movements, both relieved to have his lover back again, as if they were young and still sneaking around their friends in their dormitories, and relieved to be of some assistance to him. Whatever happened now, it was he and Sirius, together, until the very end, as they’d always said it would be. And James and Lily would be with them for every step of the way, just as they’d planned. They’d lost a member of their group, but it was certainly for the best. The Marauders remained, still four in total, and just like every other time, they’d continue trekking forward on their next adventure, no matter how hard. Together.


End file.
